Miriam
[german
version]
by Eveline Goodman-Thau
"And his sister Miriam stood from
afar and
watched to see what would befall him."
Shmoth - 2 Mose 2,4
A Letter from
Miriam to Moses
That night I had a dream:
I stood in a long dress at the bank of the river. It was
night, and the dress had the color of my body; in the
moonlight no difference could be discerned between my body
and my dress. I was white, transparent as a could. I stood
on one side of the river Nile and you, a beautiful young
man, with long black curls, stood at the other side of the
river. At first I did not recognize you. You were wearing
the clothes of Egyptian princes, with bear shoulders and
thighs, but with high forehead and black curls reminded me
of Aaron, our brother. I called to you, and you looked at me
with total surprise, and wanted to answer my call. Your lips
were moving, but no sound came from your throat. It seemed
as if your tongue had become heavy in your throat. And then
you suddenly turned, and I saw a great many people, people,
slaves, and understood that these must be Jews, our
brethren, and then the silence of the night was shattered by
a terrible cry, a cry that echoes from one side of the world
to the other, a cry that never ends.
And then I saw how
you, my brother Moses, raised your hand to silence this cry.
I did not see, whether you had a stone or a sword, but the
earth trembled when the man fell... and then all was still.
You, with your bare hands, opened the earth, and covered the
blood of the man.
I wanted to speak, I
wanted to say: Why with a blow, why with force, why not
first with words... try to convince him... try to save the
Jew in another way... perhaps it is still possible, but
perhaps also not... my lips were moving, but no sound came
from my throat. My voice was lost in the cold of the desert
night.
Women
I stood there, lost,
and suddenly the picture changed and again I was standing at
the bank, in my white dress, transparent like a could. This
time it was at the bank of the Red Sea and looking into the
desert. I was tired, I had stood there for such a long time,
waiting for the way when you would remember your sister
Miriam, the "Bitter" one, the one "Rising from the Water",
the singer, who had led all the women in song and dance
since God had destroyed the horses and chariots of the
Egyptians, so they could no longer make a war. Day and night
I had waited for you. Never had I married... and instead of
me, the "Shining" one, you had found a dark woman, who stood
in your shadow, did not urge you to speak.
Who, on the way, had
saved your life with a stone, not to kill, but to save you
from death. To bind you and you and her son, the "Stranger"
in a covenant, a covenant with her... a covenant, which our
mothers and grandmothers had sealed with God. But with her
you have never spoken, this act of saving, like mine, you
never saw, just as you could not save the Egyptian, only his
victim... And then, then I suddenly saw you, now a tired,
old man, with a long grey beard and a large rod. Next to you
stood Aaron, our brother, in splendid, priestly garments.
And I saw your dark,
small, but strong woman, in the background in the shadow, a
mute, quiet servant. Then, she suddenly stood next to you,
and then before you, face to face. You looked at her, but
your eyes did not see her, you spoke to her, but you did not
hear her. Her lips were moving, but no sound came from her
throat. You wanted to ask her, why... but your tongue had
become heavy in your throat...
Only with Moses
do I speak from mouth to mouth
And then, then I saw
suddenly myself, I stood next to you, in the same white
dress, white like the moon, white like the night, white like
my body. And I screamed: what is the matter with her? Why is
she dark? Why don't you hear her?... And then, then here
were only three people standing there: you, Moses and Aaron
and I, the sister Miriam with her two brothers, born from
one womb... we looked at each other, and knew... And then
suddenly came a voice, like a thunder from heaven, an answer
to a question, to the question, I had asked myself for all
my life, which had echoed from one end of the world to the
other, through all times, like a constant cry: "Did God only
speak to Moses?" Finally it was said, the unspeakable was
spoken, for ever and ever, never to be forgotten, never to
be erased, to be asked again and again... But a voice
thundered from heaven: "Only with Moses do I speak from
mouth to mouth."
The voice enveloped
in a could in front of the Tent of Meeting, where we were
standing, and when all was quit, and the cloud had lifted, I
stood there, completely white, guilty, but innocent, in my
white dress, white like my body, but now leprous like
snow... You my brothers, looked at me in fear and led me out
of the camp, far away from all people. There I remained
alone, seven days and seven nights, as the number of the
Days of Creation and waited for you, my brother Moses, to
give you speech, so that your tongue might be light in your
mouth, the movement of your lips may be light in your mouth,
the movement of your lips may be heard as a voice from your
throat.
To teach you from my
mouth, to sing, to dance, to laugh, and more than anything
else, to speak and not to strike... to return to you your
mother tongue.
"Who is she who comes up from the desert like columns of
smoke... all of them trained in warfare, skilled in battle,
each with sword on thigh because of terror by night... Don't
stare at me because I am swarthy, because the sun has gazed
upon me. My mother's sons quarreled with me, they made me
guard the vineyard; My own vineyard I did not guard... Upon
my couch at night I sought the one I love... I held him
fast, I would not let him go till I brought him to my
mother's house, to the chamber of her who conceived me..."
I waited for you, but
you did not come... and I wanted to die. But you, you prayed
to God for my sake, and I recovered and had to go on,
through the dry desert mute, without words, without a voice,
until I became sick and weak and completely dried out. There
was no more water... One day I could not go on any further
and there I died in the desert, at a spot called "Holy"...
At that moment I woke up form my sleep and wanted to get up,
but a silent voice told me: "Miriam, wait for one more
moment, I want to show you something". I closed my eyes and
dreamed again:
There you stood, Moses, and Aaron and the entire people of
Israel around you and all were screaming and yelling at you:
"Why did you take us out of Egypt and bring us to this
deserted place where one cannot sow, to die here, where
there are no figs and no dates, no pomegranates, and no
water to drink... And I saw the look on your face as once in
the burning bush, when you did speak: "What if they do not
believe me... do not listen to me and say: God did not
appear to you... how God had changed your rod into a snake
and your hand into a leprous member... how you became slow
of speech and tongue then... how you pleaded not to go:
please, God, make someone else your agent... and how God
refused: "Aaron, your brother shall be your mouthpiece, and
I, God, will guide your tongue...
"A prayer for Moses,
the man of God: ... Give us joy for as long as You have
afflicted us, for the years we have suffered misfortune".
And now, as then, God spoke with you: "Take your rod and
speak to the rock. Thus you shall bring forth water from
it..." And my heart stood still... now it will happen, at
last Moses will speak, with his own tongue, liberated from
the weight of his mouth... speak, speak now please, I
whispered, speak up, I begged... but: "And Moses took the
rod and struck the rock twice...", and water bursted forward
from it. The people drank and drank and drank this water,
obtained by force... Again, you Moses, my brother had lost,
you could not speak and God closed therefore the Promised
Land before you... I stretched out my arms, but could not
save you, this time...
Song of the Well
Then suddenly I saw a
long column of people, men, women and children, from many
countries and many nations, poor and rich. All were going
barefoot through the desert, in silence, without words,
without a voice. Finally, they came to place called "Be'er"
- Well - and there, like a burst of light in a dark night,
these people began to sing, first very silently, quiet,
their tongues were still heavy in their mouth. But gradually
their voices became stronger and stronger and they sang from
the fullness of their throat, and their voices echoed from
one end of the world to the other, and all, the entire world
sang with Israel the "Song of Miriam", the "Song of the
Well": "Spring up, O well - sing to her..."
And these voices opened all eyes of the earth and water
emerged from the depth of depths and embraced the waters of
heaven.
I felt as if awakened from a deep sleep and tears streamed
down my face, like water from a deep well... The Egyptian
sun streamed into my room, I quickly got up, bathed and put
on a long white dress, transparent like a cloud, and went
down to the Nile to see, what would become of you, my little
brother Moses.
"And his sister Miriam stood from afar and watched to see
what would befall him."
Eveline Goodman-Thau was born in Vienna in
1934. She survived the Shoah in a hiding-place in Hilversum
(Netherlands). Since 1956 she lived in Jerusalem, where she
studied and taught History of Jewish Religion and
Philosophy. Since 1985 she moved between Israel and Germany.
She had professorships at the Franz-Rosenzweig-Institut at
the university of, at the Institut für Orientwissenschaften
at the Martin-Luther-University of Halle and at the Harvard
Divinity School. In 1999 she founded the Hermann Cohen
Academy in Buchen (Odenwald); as its director she organizes
conferences and learner's seminaries, especially for Jewish
women. Publications: "Zeitbruch - Zur messianischen
Grunderfahrung in der jüdischen Tradition", Berlin 1995.
18th october 2000 she was ordained as the first orthodox
woman rabbi.
TaNaKh
1 Genesis 12
Genesis 26
Exodus 1,17
Exodus 2,11-15
Exodus 4,10-20
Exodus 15,19-21
Numbers 12,1-16
Numbers 20,1-2
Numbers 21,16-18
Song of Songs 1,2,3
Ps 90, 1 und 15
(shortened version)
every comment or feedback is appreciated
iris@hagalil.com
iris@hagalil.com / david@hagalil.com
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